I lived with my mom and sister but in what was basically the house of the family I used to babysit for with a few modifications. It was still a brownstone, but we had a fancy, multi-level balcony in the back, and in the front we had a crumbling set of granite steps leading from the sidewalk up to the front window, so deteriorated they were almost a sheer drop (this was in addition to the stoop). We had a huge scrubbed-wood island in the kitchen, and the living room was full of slouchy plaid chairs. The whole place was extremely lived-in looking, with kid stuff around even though Soph and I were (I think) in high school. Sister and I also shared a room upstairs, which was totally messy and had flannel bedspreads and books and papers everywhere. It was the kind of house I always wanted as a child.

In the beginning of the dream it was snowing and sister and I were outside, sliding around on the front steps, which were covered in super thick snow. A man came up to us to ask for directions because he was lost and it was Terence McKenna. I'm not sure if we were in New York or Maine, or neither. Terence was walking in the snow, and we asked him to come inside. He ended up (not sure how this happened) out in front playing in the snow with us. Sister was a little young to have any kind of real conversation, but he started asking me about school, and I realized I had already graduated from college, because I started talking about my English degree and expressing doubts about academia. Then we started talking about languages, and I explained that I had taken many (Latin, Japanese, Spanish, Hebrew, German in the dream) but didn't know any. He seemed to think this was a good sign. I was very, very happy because we seemed to be hitting it off, even though I can't really remember anything else we talked about. I was most just honored that he showed interest in me.

Anyway, Terence hung around for a while. After we finished basically pelting each other with snowballs, we went inside and drew pictures together. Sister and I drew one picture together, of the solar system in marker, with the sun wearing sunglasses and each planet labeled in big swirly letters. Terence loved it, and he walked around the kitchen determinedly trying to find a place to hang it up. He finally pinned it to the wall in the hallway leading to the stairs. I knew he especially wanted my mom to see and appreciate it.

He eventually left, but the next night was new years eve and my mom was throwing a big new years party, so he promised to come back. I had the sense that the next night would be even more magical, and cement our budding bond.

In the second part of the dream, it was new years eve and all the guests started arriving. My mom had arranged some kind of intense "tribal"-themed game in which everyone made these offensive costumes out of paper bags/newspaper/feathers/sticks/whatever they could find and then divided into teams of 5 or 6 people. I don't know what the goal was, but I remember looking out the window and they were all in the back yard, discussing strategies. Some of my friends were there, one of them was drawing on a white board while her mom looked on, almost nude and covered in war paint. Relatives were there too. Then my mom's friend Beth arrived and brought with her this guy who was supposedly my cousin, who was in a wheelchair. His very frail body was bent into fetal position, and he didn't have great use of his hands, so I helped carry him inside, where a bunch of people were crowded around watching a science show on a flat-screen tv that had suddenly appeared in the kitchen. My cousin also had a little boy with him, who was some kind of caretaker/friend/sidekick. I set them up in a big comfy chair, and asked if they were hungry, which they were, so I went to get them two pieces of toast on this special strawberry-flavored bread we had. I also wanted to get them some blueberries, but when I opened the bag all the blueberries turned out to be miniature peaches. I tried to separate the two kinds of fruit for ages, but everything kept slipping and falling onto the floor, and lots of the blueberries were rotten or had this weird white mold on.

Finally, I brought them the snack, and then my mom came in and asked me why I wasn't playing. I told her I was waiting for Terence. When she asked who Terence was, I described in the most basic terms, and she freaked out that a celebrity was coming to the party. Suddenly, the game was disbanded, and people came swarming into the house. All these guests lined up against the wall around the front door, many of them whipping out huge cameras to catch a glimpse of the coming "celebrity." I tried to break them up, but no one would listen to me. It was snowing hard now, and I went to get my phone to call Anna, because I suddenly realized that it was her birthday and she was about to be getting out of a body dynamics class so I should call her (it was around 11 pm). I had hoped that I could go out with her after the party, but since Terence wasn't there yet I was obviously at least going to wait for him. I had left my cell phone in the pocket of my snow jacket, and it took me a little while to find my coat in the packed closet. When I found my cell in the pocket for some reason it wasn't working, and I started to get anxious.

Suddenly there was a big commotion by the door and this young-ish, dark haired man walked in, shouting that he was Terence McKenna. All the guests started to scream and take pictures, and I ran over and explained that this man was definitely NOT Terence, disgusted that everyone was throwing a fit over someone they couldn't even recognize. Finally, I decided I should call Terence. I took my cell phone upstairs, where it started working again. Terence answered, and apologized for not coming but that he had forgotten about another commitment so he wouldn't make it. He said he would try and send me a letter. I knew then that I had falsely assumed he was actually interested in me, at least to the point of friendship,. For some reason, I blurted out what was going on with the relatives waiting for him, but trying to make light of it. He didn't say anything, he was just silent. I knew that I shouldn't have said anything. I got off the phone, and checked for messages from Natalie and Anna, but no one had called me even though it was after midnight.

I broke up the party of disappointed viewers by telling them he wasn't coming, and then went outside on the sidewalk. Our house was on a hill, and as I looked down I saw Anna and Natalie trudging up in the snow. Anna was wearing a gaudier version of her pink birthday dress, and Natalie was wearing a green and white polka-dot bathing suit, which was completely see-through and had a kind of flowy train hanging off the butt. I shouted down to them, why the fuck hadn't they called me. One of them yelled back sarcastically that it would have been nice for me to come celebrate with them, and I was even angrier at their assumption that I would call when they'd known I'd had to be at this family party. I also felt extremely stupid at this point for thinking that Terence would show up, and I remember thinking that I wouldn't have been angry at missing Anna's birthday if Terence had been at the party. As it was, I'd just been stood up by everyone.

Anna and Nat came inside, although I was treating them a little coldly, hoping they would apologize for not calling me. I wasn't too angry though, really I just wanted to go out and have a good time and was putting on more of a show of anger than anything else. We went upstairs to my room so I could change. Taped to my door was a note and it was from Brian (another cousin), thanking us for his graduation present, which was apparently (according to his note) a remote-controlled toy mummy that could shoot green ooze. The note was written in marker on a folded piece of computer paper, and it was full of sex jokes. I threw it onto my sister's bed, pissed off because of course I'd thought it might be from Terence.